During a weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance of exercise, hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and start walking with their wives.
From the back of the room one expectant father inquired, “Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf clubs while she walks?”
Jim and Bob were golfing one fine day, when Jim, an avid golfer, slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Jim takes his 8 iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine, in search of his lost ball. The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently for his errant ball. Suddenly Jim spots something shiny. As he nears the location of the shiny object, Jim realizes that it is an eight iron in the hands of a skeleton laying near an old golf ball.
Jim excitedly calls for his partner Bob. “Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.”
Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out to Jim, “What’s the matter Jim?”
Jim shouts back in a nervous voice, “Bring me my 7 iron. You can’t get out of here with an 8.”
After 45 years in the military, most of it in charge of anartillery division, the General finally retired. He moped around the house for days until his wife, tired of hearing his complaints, told him to get a hobby. He chose golf.
Never having golfed before, he called his former aide who happened to be an avid golfer. As they stepped up to the tee on the first hole, a beautiful par four of 425 yards with a slight dogleg right, the aide explained to the General that he had to hit the ball to the flag.
The General lined up his shot, took a powerful swing and knocked the ball to just 2 inches from the cup. The aide was amazed.
As they left the teeing ground towards the green, the aide remarked how great the shot was, it “almost” went in the hole.
“Almost?” said the General. “What do you mean?”
“Well,” explained the aide, “the object is to get the ball INTO the hole in as few strokes as possible.”
Staring at the aide in disgust, the General screamed “Why, the hell didn’t you tell me that before!?”
A young woman, just after beginning her round was stung by a bee. After returning to the pro shop and telling the pro she was stung, she asked what she should do.
“Where were you stung,?” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole,” she replies.
“Well,” said the pro, “first of all your feet are too far apart.”
A man is on holiday in Africa and is driving along in his jeep, when he comes upon a golf course. Happening to have his clubs with him, he decides to ask about whether he can play a round. Upon inquiring, the pro tells him that it is quite all right, just so long as the man uses one of the local caddies. Having no problem with this, the man sets out accompanied by the caddie.
Everything is going OK until the 3rd fairway, when, all of a sudden, a lion runs out of the jungle towards the man. With this, the caddie suddenly pulls out a rifle and shoots the lion dead just before it reaches the man.
“I can see now why I need you!” exclaimed the man to the caddie. Carrying on, they approached the 10th tee, when, suddenly, a leopard bounded towards the man from the undergrowth. Thankfully, once again, the caddie pulled out his rifle and kills the animal.
Thanking the caddie once again, they moved on.
Three holes later the man was about to play his putt on the 13th green when a crocodile came out of the greenside pond and promptly bit his leg off. Writhing around the green in agony the man angrily asked his caddie why on earth he didn’t take his rifle out again, to which the caddie replied, “Sorry, but you don’t get a shot on that hole, sir!”
After being away from home for three months trying to make it on the European tour, the golf pro was finally back in bed with his wife, hoping to make up for lost time. Later in the evening when they were asleep, there was a loud knock at the door, and they both sat up straight.
“My God, that must be your husband!” exclaimed the golf pro.
“No, it can’t be,” said his wife. “He’s in Europe playing golf.”
Bob stood over his tee shot on the eighteenth hole for what seemed like forever. He’d waggle, look down, look up, waggle, look down, look up, but would never start his backswing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked, “Why on earth are you taking so long to make this shot?”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.
“Good Lord,” said David, “you ain’t got a chance of hitting her from here.”
A foursome of executives had a standing date every Saturday to play golf. As luck would have it, one of the executives was transferred to another city. The man who came to take his place was also a golfer. The three that were left were delighted and invited him to take their friend’s place on Saturday.
“What time do you tee off?” asked the new player.
The three replied, “At 9:00 a.m.”
The new player said, “I may be about ten minutes late. If I am, wait for me. I’ll be there.”
Saturday came, and the new guy was waiting for them. They began their game, and this new guy proceed to beat the fire out of all of them. At the 19th hole, the original threesome asked if the new guy would play the next Saturday in order for them to get their money back.
“What time to you tee off?” asked the new player.
The three replied, “Same as today, at 9:00 a.m.”
The new player said, “I may be about ten minutes late. If I am, wait on me. I’ll be here.”
The next Saturday, the new player was, once again, waiting on them when they arrived. They began playing, but this time the new player played LEFT HANDED, and proceeded to beat them even more soundly than the Saturday before.
At the 19th hole, the three said, “Man, we have NEVER seen anyone play as well as you. But tell us, how do you know from which side to play?
The new guy said, “It’s very simple. When I get up on Saturday morning, if my wife is sleeping on her right side, I tee it up on the right. If she is sleeping on her left, I tee it up from the left.”
“And what is she is sleeping on her back?” the threesome asked.
“Well, I’m ten minutes late!” said the new guy.
A golfer enters a tournament and is assigned a caddie. On the first day, the golfer duffs a couple of key shots and does quite bad. He tries to act undisturbed about it and plays the second day, which is even worse. So he plays the third day and totally messes up every shot and has a terrible game. So on the last day of the tournament, he goes out and tries really hard, but he just did worse and worse, so at the end of the round, swearing violently and very frustrated, he shouts to his caddie, who has been quiet all week-end, and says, “You’ve got to be the worst caddie alive!!”
The caddie thinks about this, shrugs, and replies, “Nah, that’d be too much of a coincidence!”
It seems that there was this Chinese business man visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him to a golf course for a round of golf. He had never played the game before.
Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. He replied, “Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. Name of game is Oh s–t.”
We’d booked a 2:00 p.m. tee time, but when we arrived we found two fellows on the tee getting ready to tee off. When we explained that this was our tee time neither of them said a word, but both covered their ears, then their mouths, and then simulated cutting their throats indicating they were deaf and dumb. We knew they were angry about us playing in front of them but we played off, and walked up the fairway discussing the situation. Just then a ball flew past us right up the middle of the fairway, nearly missing us. When we looked back they were both holding up four fingers!
Joe had a particularly bad day on the course – nothing went right and he became more angry with each passing hole. By the Par 3 17th, he was fit to be tied and when he missed a 2 foot putt (for a double boggy), he really exploded.
Letting loose a stream of curses the like of which has never been heard before or since, Joe proceeded to toss his clubs into the lake and set his golf cart on fire. Declaring that he would never play this game again, Joe stomped off to the club house, into the locker room and proceeded to cut his wrists.
At that point one of the club members happened in and, not noticing Joe’s desperate condition, off-handedly said, “Hey Joe, we need a fourth for tomorrow morning – how ’bout it?”
Joe looked up and said “What time?”
A man and his gorilla are sitting in the club house when the club champion comes in. “I’ll bet you $500 per hole my gorilla can play better golf than you,” says the man.
The champion looks at the man, looks at the gorilla, and says “You’re on.” And off they go to the first tee.
The first hole is a long par four over water. The man gives the champion the honors. The champion tees up and hits a beautiful drive straight up the middle, over the water, chipping distance from the green.
“Nice shot,” says the man.
The gorilla then tees up, booms the drive onto the green, and into the hole! The champ picks up his ball and they head off to the next hole, a beautiful par five, along the creek with a slight dogleg left.
The gorilla tees up and booms another drive, drawing it just enough to land it on the green, inches from the pin. The champ, humiliated, concedes the hole and the match. They head back to the clubhouse.
As they settle the bet, the champ remarks how well the gorilla plays. “I’ve never seen anyone drive it as far. By the way, since he aced the first hole and I conceded match before finishing the second, I never got to see how he putts.”
“Oh,” says the man, pocketing his money, “he putts just exactly like he drives!”
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the sixteenth hole. He tees up and cranks one, but, unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with a huge knot on his head and the golf ball is lying beside him.
“Goodness,” says the golfer and proceeds to revive the little guy.
Upon awakening, the little fellow says, “Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun and I will grant you three wishes.”
The man says, “I can’t take anything from you, I’m just glad I didn’t hurt you too badly,” and he walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, “Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he DID catch me, so I have to do something nice for him. I’ll give him the three things that I would want: I’ll give him unlimited money, a great golf game and a fantastic sex life.”
Well, a year goes by and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and, sure enough, hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the same little man he asks him how is doing.
The leprechaun says, “I’m doing fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?”
“It’s great! I hit under par every time.”
The leprechaun says, “I did that for you. And might I ask how the money is holding out?”
The golfer says, “Well now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred pound note.”
The leprechaun again says, “I did that for you. And may I ask how your sex life is?”
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, “Well, maybe once or twice a week.”
The leprechaun is flabbergasted and stammers, “Once or twice a week?”
“Well,” says the golfer, “That’s not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.”
When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it’s a lot easier to get up at
Jimmy’s wife constantly nags him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one morning he relents and he takes her to the club. On the first hole a 179 yards par-3, he up first and says, “Now watch me, and do the same thing.” He hits a nice shot and lands on the green 30 feet to the cup.
His wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and bounces it off a rock, clips a tree, side swipes a second rock and rolls up onto the green and sinks it.
The husband looks at her in shock and says, “OK, now you know how to play, let’s go home.”
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”
He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request.
She said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole.”
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I’m in sales, also.
What do you sell?” She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.”
“No, I won’t,” he responded.
“Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.”
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.
She said, “See I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you.”
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
“I have some good news and some bad news.” Says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”
“Oh God no!” cries the man. “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”
“The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm! I’ll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant”
“Go for it doc” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. “Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.
“Just great” says the business man. “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”
“That’s great.” said the surgeon.
“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors.”
“Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. I’m glad you didn’t have side effects.”
“Well just one problem,” said the golfer, “every time I get an erection I also get a headache!”
Comedian Bob Hope once said that if ever he was playing golf and it started to thunder and lightning, that he would hold a 1 iron up into the air – in the belief that even God can’t hit a 1 iron.
One golfer asked his friend, “Why are you so late in arriving for your tee time?”
His friend replied, “It’s Sunday. I had to toss a coin between going to church or playing golf.”
“Yes,” continued the friend, “but that stills doesn’t tell me why you are so late.”
“Well,” said the fellow, “It took over 25 tosses to get it right!”
“Got any suggestions on my game, caddie?”
“Yes sir. Try laying off for thirty days.”
“Okay, young man, let me hear your story again, from the beginning,” the judge said peering over his reading glasses. “You see, your honor,” the young man began, “I was playing golf. I was about 140 yards out from the green when a frog whispered from the rough, ‘Use an 8-iron.’ I thought I’d try what the frog said and used an 8-iron. I hit the ball onto the green and it rolled into the cup for an eagle.
Then the frog said, ‘Take me to Vegas.’
“What?” I said.
‘You heard me,’ repeated the frog, ‘take me to Vegas. I’m obviously a lucky frog and we’ll make a bundle!’ So we flew to Vegas.
In the casino, the frog whispered to me, ‘Go to the dice table and bet everything on the pass line.’
I did as the frog said and we ended the evening over $200,000 ahead. I then took the frog upstairs to my room and the frog said to me, ‘Kiss me.’
I figured what the hell and I kissed the frog. When I did, it turned into the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen – deep brown eyes, blond hair, beautiful smile and a terrific body.
“And I swear, your honor, that’s how I came to be in the room with that 16 year old girl.”
A recent study had some interesting conclusions on the weight of golfers in a particular summer industrial golf league. This study indicated that the single golfers who play in these leagues are “skinnier” than the married ones.
The study’s explanation for this result was interesting. It seems that the single golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has a “refreshment” at the 19th hole, goes home and goes to his refrigerator, finds nothing decent there and goes to bed.
The married golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has a “refreshment” at the 19th hole, goes home and goes to bed, finds nothing decent there, so he goes to his refrigerator.
Some new lingo to use when you’re out on the course…
A ‘Rock Hudson’ – a putt that looked straight, but wasn’t.
A ‘Saddam Hussein’ – from one bunker into another.
A ‘Yasser Arafat’ – butt ugly and in the sand.
A ‘John Kennedy Jr.’ – didn’t quite make it over the water.
A ‘Rodney King’ – over-clubbed.
An ‘OJ.’- got away with one.
A ‘Princess Grace’ – should have used a driver.
A ‘Princess Di’ – shouldn’t have used the driver.
A ‘Condom’ – safe, but didn’t feel very good.
A ‘Brazilian’ – shaved the hole.
A ‘Rush Limbaugh’ – a little to the right.
A ‘Nancy Pelosi’ – Way to the left and out of bounds.
A ‘James Joyce’ – a putt that’s impossible to read.
A ‘Ted Kennedy’ – goes in the water and jumps out.
A ‘Pee Wee Herman’ – too much wrist.
A ‘Sonny Bono’ – straight into the trees.
A ‘Mickey Mantle’ – a dead yank.
A ‘Paris Hilton’ – a very expensive hole.
Father O’Malley was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter “Hoover!” under his breath.
On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. “Hoover!” again, a little louder this time.
On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Father O’Malley’s drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! “Praise be to God!”
He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. “HOOVER!!!!”
By this time, his opponent couldn’t withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said “Hoover.”
The Father replied “It’s the biggest … dam I know.”
There are several men in the locker room of a private club after finishing 18 holes.Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
“Hello?” “Honey, It’s me.”
“Are you at the club?”
“Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat… It is absolutely gorgeous!!
“Can I buy it?”
“What’s the price?”
“Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
“Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 at a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
“What price did he quote you?”
“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
“Great!, before we hang up, something else…”
“It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and … I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year … it’s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, tennis court, acre of park area, beach front property…”
“How much are they asking?”
“Only $1,450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
“Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $1,400,000. OK?”
“OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
“Bye… I do too…”
The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: “Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?”
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
“How was he killed?”, asked the first detective.
“He was shot with a golf gun,” replied the other.
“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”
“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan.”
Two golfers are waiting their turn on the tee when a naked women runs across the fairway and into the woods.
Two men in white coats and another guy carrying two buckets of sand are chasing her, and a little old man is bringing up the rear.
One of the golfers grabs the old man and says, ” What’s going on?”
The old guy says, “She’s a nymphomaniac from the asylum, she keeps trying to escape, and us attendants are trying to catch her.”
The golfer says, “What about the guy with the buckets of sand?”
The old guy says, “That’s his handicap. He caught her last time.”
Great Grandfather had been playing golf whenever possible for over 78 years. Today had been no exception, he was out early and played his 18. Directly after golf he attended his great, great grandson’s wedding. During the wedding reception, he was conversing with his great, great grandson, giving advice on having a happy marriage and a great life. After a while the young groom said “Grandfather what’s it like making love when you reach your age.”
And he replied, “Well, its kinda like putting with a rope.”
Verne was teeing off from the men’s tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman’s tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly. A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: “Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?”
Verne: “Yes, sir, that’s correct.”
Coroner: “Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her ass.”
Verne: “Was it a Titlist 3?”
“Yes”, replied the coroner.
Verne: “That was my mulligan.”
A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers … neither of whom can putt very well.
Sam and Harry are playing one day. On the first hole, Sam hits a wicked slice into the adjoining fairway. The ball hits another player right between the eyes and he drops to the ground.
Sam and Harry rush over to the prostrate man and find him unconscious with the ball laying on the ground between his legs.
Sam screams, “Oh my God, what should I do?”
Harry replies; “Don’t move him. If you leave him there he becomes an immovable obstruction and, according to the rules, you are allowed a drop two club-lengths away.”
My golfing buddy once told me that he took a 12 on a par 3. I asked him, “How in the world did you manage a 12 on a par 3?”
To which he replied, “I sank a 30 foot putt.”
A husband and wife died and went to Heaven together. They were met at the gates by an angel who was to show them the place.
“Right over here we have our very own golf course!” said the angel.
“Wow! It’s beautiful! Can we play it now?!” they both exclaimed.
“Sure,” said the angel.
So the couple began playing. It was the most beautiful course they had ever seen. Everything was perfect… the fairways, the greens, even the roughs. The more they played the more the woman beamed with happiness, but she noticed her husband was becoming disheartened and angry.
The woman confronted her husband on what was wrong.
“I can’t understand why you’re not happy. We’re in Heaven! We’re together! We’re playing on the most beautiful and most perfect golf course ever! What’s wrong with you?” she asked.
“If you hadn’t fed us those DAMN bran muffins, we’d been here years ago!”
A man was invited to play at his friend’s course and during the round he felt the call of nature, was far away from the toilets and so he went behind a tree believing that he was unobserved. However, on a parallel fairway, three lady members were playing. As they passed they were surprised to observe just a very private part of a man’s anatomy protruding from around the tree.
“He’s certainly not my husband, I can tell you that,” said the first lady.
“Disgusting! I’m glad he’s not mine either, ” said the second lady.
“It really is an outrage,” said the third. “He’s not even a club member!”
A man playing as a single at Pebble Beach was teamed with a twosome. After a few holes, the twosome finally asked why he was playing such a beautiful course by himself. He replied that he & his wife had played the course every year – for over 20 years – but this year she had passed away and he kept the tee time in her memory.
The twosome commented that they thought certainly someone would have been willing to take her spot.
“So did I,” he said “but they all wanted to go to her funeral.”
One day two software engineers were out playing a round of golf. They come to a par 3 with a blind tee shot. Both tee off and watch their ball sail toward the flag. When they get to the green, one of the balls is perched on the lip of the cup and other is in. As it turns out, both were playing Titleists #3s.
A heated argument ensued and they finally decided to let the club pro sort the mess out. The pro walked to the hole with them and looked at the ball on the green and then the ball in the hole.
He turned to the two engineers in disgust and asked, “Okay. Which of you is playing the white ball and which is playing the orange ball?”
A golfer returning to the club house after the worst round of golf of his life, requested that his caddie give him his ball. Upon receiving the ball, he threw it into the lake. The golfer then requested the caddie give him his clubs. The caddie asked what he was planning on doing with the clubs and the golfer replied he was throwing them in the lake, which he did.
The golfer then start walking toward the lake and the caddie asked what he intended. The golfer said he was going to drown himself, to which the caddie replied, “You can’t do that, you can’t keep your head down long enough!”
What’s the difference between golfing in New York and golfing in Canada?
In New York they say, “Eeehhh, get off the green!” In Canada they say, “Get off the green, eeehhh.”
One Sunday, St. Peter and God were up in heaven having coffee and bagels and just shooting the breeze, when St. Peter saw a priest down on one of Earth’s golf courses. He told God about this blasphemy, and God told St. Peter that the priest would be duly punished.
With St. Peter looking over his shoulder, God caught the priest’s drive at the 10th hole and dropped it straight into the hole.
“That wasn’t much of a punishment,” said St. Peter. “He just made a hole-in-one!”
God laughed. “Yeah, but who’s he gonna tell?”
A golfer ran into an old buddy at the driving range one day. They talked about their games, their swings, and all manner of things.
Eventually, one of them said, “How’s the family?”
The other replied, “Oh, pretty good. I got a new set of clubs for the wife the other day!”
“Hey, good trade!” replied the former good buddy!
“Three very religious rabbis in black with long beards were playing golf. A guy named Mulhaney wanted to play golf and this was the only threesome in which he could play. So he joins the rabbis and plays 18 holes. At the end of the game his score is 104. The rabbis shot 69, 70 and 71.
He says to them, “How come you all play such good golf?”
The lead rabbi said, “When you live a religious life, join and attend temple, you are rewarded.”
Mulhaney loves golf and figures, what do I have to lose. So he finds a temple close to his home, attends twice a week, converts, joins and lives a holy life.
About a year later he again plays golf with the three rabbis. He shoots a 104 and they shoot a 69, 70, 71. He says to them, “Okay, I joined a temple, live a religious life and I’m still shooting lousy.
The lead rabbi said to him, “What temple did you join?”
He said, “Beth Shalom”.
The rabbi retorted, “Schmuck! That one’s for tennis!”
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me, she told him. ‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?
He replied: It feels wonderful, but I think my thumb is still broken. …